Leaving Susa

"At once they left their nets and followed Him."  {Matthew 4:20}

God is radically altering my life and path – and I want to share a little piece of that story with you.

For about as long as I can recall, I've wanted to be an artist, writer, and missionary. (In fact...the first page of my prayer journal, started at age 5, says in my loopy, scrawled child's hand: "God, please make me a artest and riter when I gro up.")  I have always felt an indescribable sense of belonging, purpose, and joy when I worship my Creator by creating – and proclaim Him to the world.  

But life has thrown many things my way which have smothered my dreams.  I've been impoverished, terminally ill, and I've lost a great deal.  Each experience has drawn me closer to my Savior and awakened in me a desire to serve Him more.  Yet paradoxically, those trials have also taught me to fear.  

I was afraid of being unemployed or homeless someday; so in high school, I set out to work hard and become successful.  I let go of my "unrealistic" dreams; I didn't want to become the "freelance journalist" or the "starving artist" stereotype.  I decided to pursue a career which people around me affirmed was "safe" and "stable" – teaching.  So I declared Secondary Education as my major at Northwest Christian University.  

Please don't misunderstand me. I love teaching; I truly do.  I dearly LOVE working with youth and I have been happily teaching art classes, Bible studies, and many other lessons/classes since age 16.  Secondary Education is a good degree.  If I chose to continue with my major in teaching, I have no doubt God would do great things and use me.  I do not limit God so much as to think He has only one way by which He can glorify Himself through my life.  Any one of us who wants to serve and honor God will never lack opportunity to do so – in whatever our school or workplace!  But sometimes the decisions we face in life are not a choice between good versus evil/bad, but rather a choice between good versus best.  God's will, first and foremost, is that I glorify Him, delight in Him, love Him – and pour His love out to others.  Even so, I wholeheartedly desire to find & follow God's best will for my life – the way in which I can most cultivate the gifts He's given me so that I can offer those gifts back to Him.  And His best for me, as I have discovered over this summer, is to pursue art, writing, and ministry.

This fall, I am changing my degree to a double-major in Journalism & Fine Art and transferring to the University of Oregon.  The funny part about all of this is that I wasn't even looking for radical life change this summer.  No, indeed; He threw me entirely off guard.  I wouldn't have chosen this path on my own, either; I was much too afraid (and I had, in fact, entirely put the thought out of my mind).  But through a wonderfully radical series of miracles, open doors, Scriptural affirmation, family support, and some confirmations directly from God the past few weeks, I am absolutely certain of the path He is leading me on.

Throughout this year, I will also continue to work for Youth for Christ as the Director of Shasta Middle School's Campus Life ministry.  That's another God-story, and a really beautiful one.  Check out this video to learn more.  I'd love to tell you more; ask me about it if you're interested! :)  

So I'm leaving the safe and easy path on which I trod to beat my way through the unknown brush and forest.  (That's not to say teaching is easy.  Oh goodness no!  But it would've been more "financially secure" in the world's eyes.)  But I serve a God Who is so much bigger than me and Who can (and will) provide for me.  He's asking me now to step out in faith, to lay down my nets and follow Him.  Inspired by the missionary William Borden (read his story!), I have three phrases written in the back of my Bible: "No reserves.  No retreats.  No regrets."  I want to live by those. I also hold onto Matthew 6, which He reminded me of recently: "Look at the birds of the air..."  Oh, my LORD cares so much more for me than for the little sparrows He so tenderly cares for.  I can trust Him completely.  I may have planned my own way, but the LORD is the One who directs my steps. (Proverbs 16:9)  And His plans are vastly better than mine. :)

I love meeting people from different worldviews, backgrounds, and walks of life, and I love hearing people's stories – so I look forward to building new relationships at the U of O. But let's face it: this change will not be easy.  The University of Oregon is a place shrouded in spiritual darkness.  As I've spent time talking with strangers (like in this video), I've seen a great need there for His truth.  The devil and his legions have their hold on many hearts; the spiritual warfare is so intense and oppressive it's almost tangible. But isn't that what we're here for, anyway?  To fall in love with God & share His love with others!  The world we live in – every moment of every day, every place we go – is a mission field.  I would truly appreciate your prayers as I enter this new mission field.  

Recently, when I was deeply troubled about the darkness at UO, I asked the LORD His purpose for sending me.  His response was breathtaking.  After praying, I randomly opened the Word and starting reading – in Nehemiah 1.  It's the chapter where Nehemiah is called by God to leave the city of Susa – to leave his comfortable, high-society job in the palace in a truly beautiful city – to go to the broken, crumbling, dark, dangerous walls of Jerusalem to rebuild for God's glory.  And faithfully, though he was sad to leave and afraid to go, he went.  And so must I go as well.  I even found a note I had written in my Bible's margin some 2 or 3 years ago.  It says: "Someday, God may call me to leave my Susa.  When He does, I must go and follow Him."   

I have loved my time at NCU with all my heart.  I love the dorms, the campus community, the chapel services, the professors, the experiences I had in speech/debate, the small & engaging classes, my beloved choir family, and the friendships that I pray will last a lifetime.  It has been my Susa.  But it's time now for me to leave Susa....and while my small human heart breaks at the loss, I'm strangely excited because I know God is in this.  He goes before, behind, and beside me!

Perhaps His will for me this year is not nearly as exciting & encouraging as being a student in the NCU community. School & ministry out in this dark, broken world is hard.  But it’s so rewarding.  He’s calling me to something now which requires me to simply follow and obey.  As C.S. Lewis once wrote,“what you call obeying Him is but doing what seems good in your eyes also.  Is love content with that?  You do them, indeed, because they are His will, but not only because they are His will.  Where can you taste the joy of obeying unless you do something for which His bidding is the only reason?” 

Closing this blessed chapter of my life, I’m leaving NCU with a full heart.  I am immensely grateful for my time at Northwest Christian University; I have learned and grown so much and met so many wonderful people in my faith family.  I'm excited to continue investing in those relationships.  But moving forward, I’m eager to see His plans unfold.  I pray that you will find the same joy as you trust Him with your present and your future.

"I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize the LORD is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine.  It makes no difference where He places me, or how.  That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult, His grace is sufficient." ~Hudson Taylor

I'm so glad that no matter where He leads me, He holds me in His arms.

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P.S.  To my NCU family: I'm not moving to the moon!  I know it won't be quite the same... but the U of O is right next door, so whenever you're free to hang out, I'd love to come study with you, share a meal together, attend chapel, and stay close!  I love you all dearly!